Archive for November, 2012

Turkey Day Thoughts

I used to wish that every day could be amazing. I used to want the extraordinary all the time. I craved awesome. But you know what? Extraordinary can never be ordinary and that’s what makes it so special. The awesomeness lies in the rarity. Today was one of those special days. It was filled with laughter and singing and baking and hugging and those are all of my very favorite things. Holidays can be rough and family drama usually ensues. It’s just the nature of being in close quarters with the people in your life who know exactly how to push your buttons. But sometimes, SOMETIMES, everything falls into place. Good moods and good situations and good conversation all happen and it’s nothing short of mind-boggling. It’s beautiful and unexpected and it totally overwhelms my heart. It reminds me that those average, mediocre days have a significant purpose: they keep us humble and grateful and give us a true appreciation for the great ones. I’m thankful for a lot today, but most of all I’m thankful that I have so much love in my life.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”

I’m thankful for an unchanging creator who has seen me through every trial, carried me through every heartache, and blessed me with so many good gifts. Happy Thanksgiving, friends. Take a minute and remember the breadth and length and height and depth to which you are loved. Humble yourself before the lover of your soul and be grateful today and every day. I know I am.




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Do you ever get all jumbled up inside? Do you ever feel like you’re two different people? And maybe those two people are in the throws of some intense battle that might determine the course of your whole life? Do you ever get caught in the contradiction of feeling so blessed and so grateful and somehow so sad and lonely and hopeless all at the same time? Do you ever get pummeled back and forth between highs and lows and wish with every fiber of your being for some sort of apathy to calm the raging storm? How do you learn to not care? Can someone teach me? Because sometimes I think not caring might make life a whole lot easier. And how do you know who you really are? Who is the real you? Are you the person that people think you are? Do other people’s perceptions define you? Or are you the person you want to be? Can you change who you are or is it permanent? Are you destined to be forever chained to the past or do you have control over who you become?

A sweet boy introduced me to the Meyers-Briggs test recently. It’s a test that determines your personality type based on preferences and perceptions. I’m an ENFP – extroverted, intuitive, feeling, perceiving. Consequently I’ve spent a lot of time lately reading profiles of ENFP’s and the accurateness is unbelievably unnerving. It’s scary to see the ins and outs of who you are in black and white. It makes you question the concept of uniqueness and individuality and the idea that every person on the planet can be divided neatly into 16 different boxes is strange and sad and breaks my heart just a little bit. And reading about who you are from a total stranger? Being told that those things about yourself that you don’t like – the parts that you struggle with and fight against – are the very things that define you, well it’s slightly soul crushing.

And so the battle continues. The part of me that knows the answers, that knows the truth, versus the part of me that wants instant gratification and tangible results. But fighting that fight every day is exhausting and the part of me that knows the truth grows weary. Defenses come down and the enemy charges and surrendering to the lies becomes so much easier than putting on your armor and going back into battle. Hopelessness abounds.

Here’s the truth: I don’t have to keep fighting those battles. They’ve already been won. And if I, if we, would get out of our own heads for just a split second and take a look at the majesty that surrounds us and remember that this life is bigger than me and you, we might just find ourselves in the middle of a grand armistice. The fighting would cease, if only for a little while, providing us with some much needed clarity. And as the dust settles we would see the hope that we’ve been searching for so desperately. The hope that says there is more to life than fear and insecurity. The hope that says, “You are valued and loved.” The hope that says, “I will not leave you or forsake you.” And apathy is never the answer. If we’re being honest it’s not even an option for me. I wouldn’t know where to start. Not caring isn’t something I can do, and that’s okay. The Meyers-Briggs test does a good job at determining personality, but it fails to capture the complexity of the heart. It doesn’t account for the fact that we are constantly being changed and molded and refined. Personality is but a small part of who we are, not the whole of it.

The truth is that life isn’t easy. It’s not supposed to be. But there is purpose in the pain and there is value in the struggle. Being tested and tried is to be expected. And when we get the urge to run in the opposite direction, to give in to the lies and live in the hurt, that’s when we need to turn around and run right back into the arms of the one who loves us. That’s when we need to step away from this fallen world and the solutions it dangles in front of our vulnerable hearts and spend time with the one who created it instead. He is who defines us. I look at the people around me and I’m overwhelmed by how much the Lord loves them. I’m in awe of how truly unique they all are, how beautiful and how intricate and how fearfully and wonderfully made. I pray that when the rains come we would be more and more inclined to find shelter in that truth. I pray that we would find our worth in the knowledge that each of us is a creation of the king who sees our souls as priceless treasures. I pray that as we walk through the seasons of our lives, whether they be good or bad, we would hold on to that perspective. I pray that it would be our rock and our foundation and that the peace that comes with that knowledge would quiet the lies from the enemy.

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.




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